I know only what people think of me form what people tell me and what I observe, but what I do know truthfully is what I want people to think of me. If you were not someone who over thinks things like myself you would think I wasn’t concerned with fashion. I am not concerned with fashion in the sense that I don’t need to wear Gucci and prada to feel special, but truthfully we are all concerned with fashion. What we wear is one of the main things that defines who we are to those around us. I wear vans and a studded belt so I don’t look too preppy. I don’t wan tot look preppy cause I don’t want to look like everyone else. We wear what we wear not always as a marker to put us in a group but to mark us from the other groups we don’t wan tot be in.
I work as a cashier at the c-store. I work Thursday and Saturday nights from 4-11. On Thursdays I work with a man named jean who is around the age of my parents. On Saturday nights I work with matt, he’s about to be 24 but he’s a 4th year student in eth architecture program. I get along great with both of these guys. To jean I think he views me like he views his daughter, but he knows there is less to protect with me. He can tell me about the bob Marley concerts he went to in the 70’s and I tell him about school and how stressed out I am. To matt I am a friend. Matt is a responsible architecture student who does well cause he doesn’t go out as much as the typical college student which is also added to on account that his girlfriend just recently moved to Florida for her internship. Between mat and I we are the kind of people who get along well and can talk about most everything. In the c-Store I know what people tell me. People know me often as the girl that works in the c-store or the hot girl that works in the c-store or “hey I recognize you from some place”…”well I work in the c-store?”…”Yeah! that’s it! What’s up c-store girl?!” I think they just seem me as someone nice, but mysterious like all people who work at a store who you have a short interaction with.
When ever I go out of my dorm room I make that little extra effort to look a little less like shit. You never know who you might meet I say and if you’re going to meet someone interesting you might as well look nice. Some times I look nice by social standards, btu sometimes it’s simply the effort of keeping the dark circles under my eyes in chek. To be honest I don’t really think I’m noticed in public. I’m not someone who desires to stand out in a crowd. I don’t smell exceptionally nice, I don’t dress exceptionally well, I don’t try to stand out, and I mind my own business. In public I think people might see me as quiet, another indie girl or just another face in the crowd. It is not that I would not like to be noticed. Everyone likes to be noticed whether they admit it or not. It’s more of the Idea of why try to look nice on a ordinary day. It is the extraordinary ones that deserve the little extra.
To my friends, my roommates, and my boyfriend I am very much a different person than I would think most people, the strangers, would see me as. I am not quiet. In fact I am very loud and have a lot to say most of the time. I don’t usually care what people think of me and my friends know that. They know that I will tell them the truth, but I am only blunt because I expect the same in return. I would not do the things I do if I was not comfortable with the same treatment. My friends know I am a good person. I try my best to be a good person, but we all have our slip ups. I also try my best to be readable. By readable I mean that I like it that people can get some idea of who I am but just looking at me or having a short conversation with me because it means that I am being myself and being true to myself. I have spent a great deal of my life dealing with the fake and unsure and I am over it. I have my friends and those I depend on, but honestly I don’t need them to survive, but I want them and I think with people wanting can be more important than needing.
Truth is I do know a quite a bit about what people think of me, but I wouldn’t want to say it aloud even if no one will know because sometimes things don’t need to be said cause maybe those people might not think those things if you said them even if nearly no one would see.
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